This column is dedicated to my daughter, Curly Girl, who is planning to get married at the end of the month. Her biggest fear is that her marriage “won’t be perfect.” At 23, apparently, you still believe in perfection. I’ve explained to her several times that things that go wrong become the best stories later, but she has no interest in my opinion. So what else is new?
So I solicited stories of marriage misadventures from my friends on Facebook (Are you one? If not, why not? facebook.com/FrumpyMiddleagedMom). Here are some of the stories they shared, from fallen wedding cakes to drunken antics. I’m sure you have a few:
“My name is Lucetta and my husband’s name is Gérard. The priest who was to marry us (and who knew us quite well) decided to leave the priesthood just before our wedding day. In his place, Fr. José married us as “Mercedes and Geraldo”. After that, we never knew if we were really married or not. – Lucia D.
“My best friend at the time and my husband’s best friend left our reception and moved into our bridal suite. They missed reception and the bed was obviously used! -Vickie D.
“My best friend’s mom set her hair on fire with the unity candle during the ceremony. I chose not to have a unity candle after that. — Kristin T.
“I had more dogs than people at my wedding and my future sister-in-law’s dog peed on my dress in the middle of the ceremony. It was honestly perfect, but she was crowned even more by the fact that she ran forward and yelled ‘Whose dog is that?'” – Katelynn P.
“My husband was late for the wedding. And he was late for the divorce hearing. —Judy R.
“My DJ got drunk and played the songs on my ‘don’t play I hate ’em’ song list!” — Shelley H.
“About two months before the wedding I called the chapel to book a night for the wedding rehearsal and the phone was disconnected. I left work with my fiancé to go to the chapel and no one answered at the door. A woman walking her dog stopped to tell us that the owner/operator’s wife had fled with another man and all the money, including our deposit. The owner chased her. — Cheryl G.
“Our drivers went to a bar for ‘one beer’ while we were taking pictures and stayed for three beers; left the wedding party stuck for 90 minutes. (My wife) broke my nose with her elbow on our wedding night when I carried her to the doorstep. – Dan C.
“I was the bridesmaid and spilled the wedding cake carrying it to the serving table.” —Malinda R.
“My granddaughter couldn’t find her shoes and walked barefoot down the aisle.” —Lollie H.
“On our wedding day, the air conditioning broke at the church that morning and it was 100 degrees. The pastor never once said my name correctly. I was Cherry, Sheri, Carol. At our reception the napkins had my name misspelled. Everyone left because we were so miserable and hot and we all went out to dinner. — Cheryl T.
“Two days before our wedding, my husband and his co-workers got into a fight with rubber bands at work, and one of them punched him in the eye and broke a blood vessel. put to bed. The worry was that a clot would form and travel to his heart, which could kill him. He had to stay in bed and do everything in bed. (His mother brought him a bottle to pee .) His best man stepped in for the rehearsal. He got permission from the ophthalmologist to attend the wedding only. In the wedding photos, he wears an eye patch and he was lightly drugged to stay calm during the ceremony Afterwards, he had to go home and go straight to bed. – There is one.
“We got married outside with a breathtaking view. Everything was perfect until we were in the middle of our vows, when the garbage truck came to empty the bins from the place (where) we were getting married. All you hear on the video is the garbage truck and none of our wishes. — Terri B.
“When we got married, the chaplain had a parrot in his office. The only thing the parrot could sing were sea ditties – all of which were quite obscene. We listen to the tape of the ceremony and we crack every time! -Carole W.
“My DJ was bitten by a snake moving in for the wedding. So my 12-year-old nephew had to step in. —Rebecca A.
“My sister fainted as she stood at the altar as bridesmaid. The priest never blinked and continued the service. My father and someone else ran to her, picked her up and put her on her side where I could see her laying. They even put her hands on her chest. Looking at her made me laugh out loud. That’s all people care about. remember my wedding and it was almost 59 years ago. — Carolyn M.