DEAR ABBY: I have a good, if not terribly close, relationship with my adult son and daughter. We talk every few weeks. They live some distance away. There is no drama, no negative angst between us.
My husband and I will soon be celebrating our 60th wedding anniversary. Neither our son nor our daughter acknowledged the occasion or asked if we wished to celebrate it. I guess they are not aware of this step.
Should I contact them about this? It’s not like we’re incommunicado or separated, because we’re not. This birthday is a big deal for us, but they seem to ignore it. I kind of want it. Their father was treated for cancer and is, fortunately, considered cancer free now. What is your advice? — READY TO PARTY IN FLORIDA
DEAR LOAN: Your son and daughter may be so preoccupied with themselves and their own lives that they haven’t thought to volunteer to organize something or ask what you and their father would like. Call them and raise the subject. They may be waiting to be told what, if anything, you have planned for the occasion. If they’re not available, don’t let that stop you from having the celebration the occasion deserves.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend broke up with me. After a few weeks, I was ok with that. Then he wanted to visit me, but I was busy that day and, to tell the truth, I didn’t want to see him. I was going to go out with a friend when my ex showed up when I told him not to. When I was dating my friend, my ex couldn’t come into my house because I didn’t want him there if I wasn’t there. When I got home, my ex was pissed that we went out to eat and didn’t bring him anything. Was I supposed to buy him food if I didn’t even want him there to begin with? It happened months ago and I’m still furious. — DEE IN NEW YORK
DEAR DEE: Being angry is a waste of time and energy. For your ex-boyfriend to force himself on you despite being told he was unwelcome was rude and rude. You did exactly the right thing by not allowing him to insert himself into your plans. I hope you are now rid of him. If he continues, it could be considered stalking.
DEAR ABBY: I recently returned from an annual girls’ trip with my group of retired teachers. We all get along well and enjoy each other’s company, except for one “fly in the soup” who refuses to tip decently for excellent restaurant service. I’m talking $2 on a $20 tab. We all pay our own bills and tip 25% or more every time. We already told him about the tip. She says she thinks it’s a “racket”. Can we do something? — CHEAPSKATE’S FRIEND
DEAR FRIEND: The girls’ annual trip may be this woman’s only splurge for the year, which may explain why she’s being cautious about tips. I assume you and the others told him about the pay scale for restaurant servers and how many of them have to split their tips with other staff.
Because there’s nothing you can do to change another adult’s behavior, either consider your own generous tips as balancing her stingy, or stop including her because she’s inconvenient.
dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.