Wedding Planner

‘Buzzkill’ bridesmaid backed for not going to bride’s bachelorette party

The internet has backed a bridesmaid after a bride called her ‘buzzkill’ for not attending her bachelorette party.

Posted on Reddit’s r/AmITheA**hole forum, a woman with the anonymous username u/Final_Cream6177 shared her story to receive feedback from the “AITA” community. The popular post has over 6,000 upvotes and 2,000 comments.

The original poster began her post by explaining that her best friend and bridesmaid, “Kathy,” is a professional wedding planner and helps the OP plan her wedding for free. The Redditor confirmed that she was ” showering ” Kathy with gifts as a thank you for her help.

The OP informed readers that her bachelorette weekend was two weeks away and Kathy didn’t want to attend, which shocked her. Her fellow bridesmaids knew the “good cause” but wanted the OP to hear it from Kathy.

“I asked her and she said, ‘Look, you’ve made requests for your bachelorette party and I respect everything you want to do, but there are things I’m not allowed to do and certain things like the strippers I’ve booked for you and other activities crosses the line when it comes to me and my own fiancé’s relationship so I made sure to arrange everything perfectly as you and the girls wanted but sadly it’s not something I want to be involved in. Hope you enjoy yourself to the fullest,'” she wrote.

The PO was “heartbroken” that his bridesmaid didn’t want to participate in the activities but tried not to be bothered. She did her best to try to change Kathy’s mind, but she didn’t budge. As a warning, Kathy told the PO that she wouldn’t be drinking at her wedding either for fear of getting sick from dizziness.

A bride and her bridesmaids are pictured above. A bride has been slammed online after calling her bridesmaid a ‘buzzkill’ for not wanting to attend her bachelorette party.
Irina Lev/iStock/Getty Images Plus

“I was very disappointed and at that point I told her straight away that I didn’t want her like [maid of honor] if all she’s gonna do is be a [buzzkill] on everything about my wedding and how she can attend as a simple guest. She was very upset and thought it was unfair that I excluded her for these reasons. The rest of my bridesmaids now also believe that I went too far and how she skipped the trip for personal reasons. [reasons] or not [drinking] alcohol is not something that would ruin my marriage and I’m just exaggerating,” she concluded.

Newsweek contacted u/Final_Cream6177 for comment.

What are the typical duties of a bridesmaid?

When someone – usually a best friend, sister or other relative – accepts the bride’s offer to be her maid of honor, they are responsible for the bachelorette party, bridal shower and other parts of the marriage process, via brides.com.

The bridesmaid has many duties before and after the wedding ceremony. According to weddingwire.com, here are some of those responsibilities:

Before marriage

  • Assist with wedding dress purchases and fittings
  • Assist the bride with various activities, including choosing cake flavors, selecting invitations, and researching wedding colors
  • Answer typical customer questions
  • Organize the bridal shower
  • Plan the bachelorette party

Wedding day: Before the ceremony

  • Get ready with the bride and the procession
  • Be the messenger between the couple
  • keep calm bride
  • Keep all supplier information at your fingertips
  • Make sure everything stays on schedule

Wedding day: During the ceremony

  • Hold the bride’s bouquet and the groom’s ring
  • If applicable, ensure that the train and/or bridal veil are properly arranged on the altar.
  • Sign the marriage license as a witness

Wedding day: Reception

  • Walk into the reception and dance with the best man
  • Keep the bride stress-free, make sure she has something to eat and drink, and help her out when needed
  • If applicable, collect wedding gifts
  • Raise a toast to the best man

Editors’ reactions

“So let me clear things up. Your so-called best friend, who usually gets paid to plan weddings, planned yours for free. And you kicked her out of the wedding party because she personally waived the strippers and drinking with no pressure on anyone else to do the same? [You’re the a**hole]“wrote u/ginselfies, receiving the top comment of over 18,000 upvotes.

U/Temporary_Badger said: “[You’re the a**hole]. She did a fantastic job planning everything for you the way you wanted, even if she couldn’t enjoy it. She wasn’t judging what you wanted in any way, just politely bowing her because it was beyond her limits. But you’ve decided that the main criteria for being your friend is enjoying strippers and getting drunk. So good luck with the rest of your adult life and your marriage, I’m sure everything will be fine.”

“[You’re the a**hole]. You have the equivalent of hundreds (if not thousands) of free skilled labor and because she has limits and doesn’t want to hang out with strippers or get lost at your wedding, you got heart broken ? Oh pull yourself together,” exclaimed u/CrystalQueen3000.

“[You’re the a**hole]. So your friend has done a great job providing you with professional level service and hasn’t judged you for anything you want and is just maintaining her personal boundaries. And for that, you want to kick her out of the wedding party? It doesn’t kill YOUR buzz. Someone who doesn’t want to drink because they don’t like what it does (or for whatever reason) doesn’t hurt you,” u/madelinegumbo commented.

U/devlin95 exclaimed: “[You’re the a**hole]. It’s time to look in the mirror, Bridezilla. She went above and beyond and donated thousands of dollars of her time and expertise to bring you the wedding of your dreams. She’s a buzzkill because she doesn’t like strippers or booze? Do you really value friendship?”

Newsweek published several articles relating to weddings, including where wedding guests reveal the worst weddings they’ve ever attended, a brother who was slammed online for an “awful” comment to his crying sister on his wedding day, and a bride who was criticized for expecting guests to pay for their own meals at her wedding.